DEFINING LOVE
Why am I doing all this again? Love, of course - right? For some reason, I'm having difficulty sifting this question. It's written that I should love God because he loves me, but his love is difficult to quantify. What life experiences, if any, are exemplars of his love? When he allowed Satan to strip Job of every reason to live, was this love? Wouldn't Job have been justified in considering himself blighted, as Eli was, when his children were taken from him, or cursed, as Pharaoh was, when sores covered his entire body, or betrayed, as Hagar was, when he was left abandoned? How was Job to evaluate God's love? If his experience is any indication, it would seem all life experiences could exemplify his love. Unfortunately, if his love comes in the form of what we generally consider blessings or curses, it can only be experienced when and if sense can be made of one's life experiences. Such understanding does not come easily, and in some cases does not come at all.
I Could love God because I need him. Above all else, I need to be known and loved. Only God can do this absolutely; only he will see me as I am and accept me. This is something I cannot do even for myself, for he knows me far better than I do. I also need to see beyond the boundaries of this life, to see past the immediate, the mundane, and the terrible to a time and place where wrongs will be righted, where people become whole, where the alienated will have a home, and where the sorrowful can find joy.
In as much as I am aware of these needs and my dependence upon God in fulfilling them, I increase my capacity for a loving relationship with God. This is not the reciprocal ideal of love I sought when I first set out on this journey, but it honestly deals with my limitations as a human being. Additionally, it discards the nebulous interpretation of external events and focuses on the happenings within me - my spiritual needs and development - in a way I hope makes me better equipped to deal with both the internal and external aspects of life.