THE SHADOW
Enlightenment isn't something one can attain. At most, it can only ever be lost, misplaced, forgotten in our collective amnesia. It isn't an experience, but the awareness of the ground of all experience - the perception that there's only one thing that's truly Real. It's always there, though for most of us most of the time it's obscured, shrouded by an illusion of separation. We lose touch with the Real when we grant reality to the illusions that haunt our inner and outer worlds, thereby defaulting to self-reflexive, dualistic processing. Once freed from these egoic illusions, we realize we were merely dirty windows in need of cleaning.
If we truly are creatures of infinite need - wrapped up in a universal dance of motion, longing to receive God's infinite generosity in an effort to rediscover the original unity from which we both emerged, a la Boehme - it isn't hard to understand why the identity of lack - all that I have not or am not - dominates our awareness and instill in us the impression that we must attain or become something more to be whole (enlightened, non-dual, one with God, our true selves, etc.) Additionally, our discrete, physical bodies, with their own interior worlds of seemingly private thoughts, feelings, and sensations, provide a platform (ordinary awareness) conducive to the pursuit of this misguided self-improvement program in a very separate, privatized, and ultimately selfish way.
This program ultimately proves fruitless, for the path to enlightenment isn't additive, but subtractive. Have you ever heard a sculptor remark that the form already exists within the unchiseled stone, waiting to be revealed? Much the same way, upon first awakening to the contemplative life, we find ourselves encased in layers of illusion built up through the years, in the form of manufactured personas, identification with circumstances, hatred of our shadows, and addictions of various types (substance, sex, food, work, comfort, certitude, affirmation, and so on - the list is really endless), all of which have become more real to us than the one thing that's truly Real. And just like the preexisting form within the stone, the experience before us involves the shedding of all we are not, of all our cherished illusions.
I suppose I could've called this entry just about anything. When it comes to releasing illusions, however, in my experience the shadow acts as a manifold driving all the others - the most notorious derivative being the false self. We manufacture personas, create images of idealized selves precisely due to the shame, hatred, and self-sabotage generated on account of our shadows. We clothe ourselves in lies, tuck our full being away in darkness, to hide from ourselves and others that which we do not have the courage or honesty to face. And yet in order to taste the freedom of self we're meant to embody, we must face it. We must lay hold of ourselves, grapple with our deepest nature in a dark and difficult night - like Jacob set upon the Lord - and not grow weary, not relent until our Deepest Self blesses us. And that blessing is this: that we might come to terms with what we've witnessed and sink into a deep acceptance of who we are.
And then we must lay it all down. We've come to know ourselves that we might forget ourselves, laid hold of ourselves that we might let go. When the work is complete, when the falsity has been identified and the shadow befriended, everything must be laid down - released to the infinite depths of divine love. We only pursued such knowledge because you can't let go of something you don't know you're holding, but now we know, and having been faithful to the journey inward, are ready for the further journey outward - unencumbered by what has come before.
Make no mistake: this process is only part of the story, and it's an organic unfolding that predominantly lies outside our control and oftentimes awareness. There's no life hack, short cut, seminar, or program we can doggedly follow with the assurance that regimented discipline will lead us to our goal. Dry asceticism sometimes leads nowhere at all, leaving a hollowed out husk as its reward. No, at every stage the Real entices us forward, glimpses of it expanding our awareness and loosening our ties to the illusion we thought was our life. This cannot be faked nor fabricated. It cannot be rushed. Yet as vital as it is, it's still just preliminary. Enlightenment can neither be embodied unless it's done, nor embodied while it's done. It was always just preparation for the great dance.
Then we enter a life of simply being and only being whatever Christ brings forth in us. Having resigned our falsity and self will, no longer identifying with nor seeking to possess any object of desire, we now move forth from a state of abundance in whatever form that might take. From that point, we simply embody Christ in the world. How that manifests or evolves over time, what it ultimately becomes or looks like, now lays beyond any plans or designs our separate selves might vainly concoct. From there, who knows what might happen. Who knows what's possible? Who knows where the Spirit will take us, or what we might become?