REFLECTIONS ON A FAITH DECONSTRUCTED
When I left Christianity, there were two closely-related issues that drove me away. One was the existence of Hell, the other the requirement of worship, and both appeared to contradict my understanding of God's love. Recently, God has revealed additional truths about both issues and healed the pain these two issues inflicted on me.
Regarding Hell: Jesus once said the Kingdom of God is within us. It is not a place, but a manner of relating to God. Conversely, I think Hell is the counterpart to this. It, too, is not a place, but a manner of relating to God. There are people at this moment, at every moment, in Heaven or Hell. A life lived in separation is Hell, and I lived it to a greater or lesser degree for a long time. I'm happy to say it's good to be home.
Having come to this understanding, it leaves me to wonder what of the connection people place upon Heaven and Hell and their place in the afterlife? On this matter, I have little to say - except that it doesn't matter. What happens to me after I die, where I go, is of no concern to me. Through life or death, wherever I find myself in all of existence, God is with me and, thus, is his kingdom.
Regarding worship: I see worship as a form of idolatry when it's offered from a mindset of separation. Traditionally, it magnifies the difference between God and myself, saying, "You are up there, I am down here. You are great, and I am small. You are powerful, and I am weak. You are different, holy, and in every way apart from me."
I delve into murky waters presenting these ideas, since they can be easily misused if offered from a perspective of pride. If offered in humility, they are liberating and serve to expand a person's identification with God. Throughout scripture, it's clear God wants nothing but for us to receive his love and love in return. Rather than prostration, I believe he wants my love and active gratitude, which is in motion and expansive.
Congruently, the idea of obedience that gave me so much trouble before is starting to take a backseat in my mind. As part of the transformation process, cooperation with God's will becomes less and less a matter of observing external laws, rules, or codes. Rather, it is a quiet submission to his nature pouring out through me. Just as love does not observe itself as sacrificial, it does not observe itself as obedient. Those concepts are for those who do not embody God's love, as a description of what, with good intentions, they are striving for. Words like sacrifice and obedience are human terms. When immersed and acting in perfect love, God is simply being God and love simply being itself. There is no obedience. There is no sacrifice. There is only love.