REST IN AN ARID LAND
I find myself in a dark, untrusting place, where active prayer seems futile, contemplation an exercise in tedious futility, and revelations received from God stripped of all but their most basic rationality. I look at my outward surroundings and personal experiences, acknowledge God's hand in some, and I extend my thanks for the continued faithfulness.
All the same, it's my inner landscape that's become most arid and inhospitable. I sense I'm on the brink of collapse, with thoughts of last September feathering the outer margins of my mental landscape. I'm coasting through each day, seemingly hoping something will happen, but entirely uncommitted to putting forth any effort whatsoever to actualize a change.
Would it be presumptuous to conclude this is exactly where God wants me right now? If there's insufficient strength, understanding, or acceptance for me to walk right now, perhaps sitting for a while is exactly what God wants me to do. I'll sit in silence and trust that whatever is needed will find its way to me. In beseeching God's wisdom, I believe that is what he'll have me do for now. Rest, observe, and be patient.