Q&A
This is my first conversation with God since discontinuing my meditative practices. I am fully conscious and grounded in reality. God beckoned I submit my questions, so I did.
Life feeds on life. I find this disconcerting. What am I to do?
Be mindful of and consciously grateful for every meal you eat.
Okay, but why must this be?
All life is One, one interminable life. If life gives itself for life, all life increases. So do not weep when life gives itself for life. Weep when it gives itself for nothing.
The strong feed on the weak, figuratively and literally, and this disturbs me.
This has always been true, but strength is in transition. You hesitate to rest your hope in this, but can you not feel it in your bones, in your very soul that the end is nigh for the age of domination? Do not fool yourself; this age will not go quietly. But rest assured that by its own principles and with its own swords it shall destroy itself. Then everyone shall know it was flawed in its very essence, that the progress gleaned from its methods was ultimately and naturally applied in bringing about its demise.
What then shall strength be?
A fundamental shift in awareness shall cultivate a society that you cannot now imagine. Do not be afraid to try, and if given the opportunity do not be afraid to join.
What am I afraid of?
Failure. When it comes to love, you’re afraid of rejection. Friendship - exclusion. Self-exploration - discovering something you cannot bear. Work - being made to look like a fool. Confrontation - stumbling over your words. Charity or compassion - rejection or false attachments. Ultimately, every one of your fears boils down to what others think of you. Why are you so afraid for others to see you make a mistake? Why so afraid to be vulnerable?
Because I'm afraid the strong will feed on me; I'd rather feign strength than risk displaying any weakness.
Hear me - you will never become strong in this way. Not everyone is out to consume you. The world is full of potential friends and allies, yet even in crowded rooms you isolate yourself because of fear.
Why do I struggle so much against self-centeredness?
Delve deeply into your past. When someone who was a victim of bullying and abuse attempts to take back control of his life, he does so with a skewed notion of relationship. You've been conditioned to think that doing things for others is a sort of forced servitude and have difficulty recognizing the difference between being a doormat and being kind.
Two things must happen here. You must realize you are not forced to do anything. Second, you must allow yourself to recognize that kindness is love in action. Washing another's feet is an expression of love, not lowliness - but only if you allow yourself to receive it in that light.
Okay. What about when I'm alone? I’m rather inactive.
Much of this goes back to fear. Your thoughts drift inward and you become a prisoner of your own mental realm. You delve in and cannot get out. You construct scenarios that you might face at work, out on the town, or even at your son's soccer games, trying to determine how you'll respond to them if they go poorly, not realizing that you prepare in this way because you're secretly anticipating things will go poorly. The truth is if you're anticipating poor outcomes, you will inevitably instantiate them. If you go into situations positively, they often have more favorable outcomes and you're in a better mindset to react when things do not go as expected.
So where do I go from here?
Allow yourself to love. Make a list of things you would do if you threw fear completely out of the equation. Allow the world to be as it is without contaminating you with feelings of hopelessness or inferiority. Take your ego out of the equation and focus on the task at hand. Realize that people use fronts; oftentimes surface level behavior is misleading. Be real with people. If they see you are genuine, they will tend to be so more so themselves with you. Relax. Try to fail at something on purpose occasionally, just to reinforce that you're not perfect. Try to embarrass yourself occasionally, just to remind yourself not to be prideful. Trust Me, trust the universe, trust yourself - live in the knowledge that grace comes to those who need it. Life is an adventure. Give people a chance. The more you meet, the greater chance you'll encounter people who aren't out to get you, but who will enrich your life.