CROSSING OVER

I find myself in a strange place.  Do I dare say the cumulative weight of the past few years has done its work?  I was walking in the hills yesterday, when I realized I had crossed over into a sort of freedom, a new awareness unshackled from any of my old desires.  

I smiled as I recalled the many things that defined who I was and what I wanted.  I had a family, a wife and children I loved.  I had a career, an engaging, innovative challenge that required all my creative energy.  I had possessions, beautiful things in my life that brought comfort and satisfaction.  I had travel and adventure, enjoying cultures, cuisines, in a variety of countries.  I had my freedom, roaming the mountains, walking with God, exploring the deep quiet of contemplation in pristine seclusion.

I had all these things.  I had a life, a good life.  I smiled, not in letting them go, but in realizing they're already gone.  I look back with gratitude on having had them, my heart no longer longing to possess them.  It desired something different, deeper, in keeping with the Spirit, with its spirit.  And now I find all it wants is to listen to the wind, to be carried on a breeze to places it hears calling its name, to do things it hears speaking its name.  Could it finally be that the one who desired things for himself, life for himself, is truly dead?  Could it be the one who remains is finally free?

I no longer know what life is about.  I once thought I knew, but I was wrong.  I don't know, and I no longer care.  It was once about me.  Now I am about it.  It calls, and I answer.  It leads, and I follow.