AN EVOLUTIONARY MESS
I've obsessed over receiving a calling from God for far too long. I longed for it because I wanted to do something specific to combat the Darwinian power structures that dominate government, business, and religion and falsely assumed I could make a difference – that any of us could ever actually transcend what nature made us.
As I mentioned recently, the universe has been around for almost 14 billion years. Life on this planet first began almost 4 billion years ago. I recognize evolution, while simultaneously hating it because of what it implies about the weak or about someone like me – one who's unwilling or unable to accept the societal ramifications of such a banal, godless process.
In hearing I must learn how to love people, I was reminded of past entries on love and how it might represent a divergence in evolution. I don't want to believe this divergence is imaginary or an accident or a mistake, but what I want doesn’t mean very much. Even if it’s true, evolution works on a scale we cannot imagine and on a structural level that transcends anything we’re capable of influencing. It’s probably the only force that could work as a corrective for all our misguided intentions and utter inability to live up to all our high-minded ideals.
I suppose learning to love despite the mess is all that can be asked of anyone. Perhaps focusing on that will extricate my demons and put me in alignment with the future. Maybe I can’t change the world, but perhaps I can attempt to embody the new direction I hope God has set for the cosmos. It seems foolish to even contemplate it, but maybe if enough folks did the same, we might have a hand in evolution after all.