DETACHMENT OR DISSOCIATION?
I've been at this for months and am at a most difficult juncture. For some reason, I am gripped by a terrible fear of where this path is leading me. Something doesn't seem right, yet beyond this deep intuition I have no evidence to suggest it's anywhere harmful.
Well, that isn't entirely true. My regard for people lies precariously close to total indifference. Obviously that's not a desirable state of affairs. Behind the breaking down of all my dualistic mindsets is a growing sense of detachment to myself. The cumulative effect of losing my attachment to my old mindsets, interest in my external reality, and most alarmingly interest in other people has me feeling borderline dissociative. I could tolerate a loss of interest in conventional, societal values were it offset by a positive and loving view of people. In losing both, I sense something's wrong. Releasing the tendencies associated with lower consciousness makes sense. Losing all appreciation for love, however, does not.
My inner guide offered me consolation and encouragement:
I know things are hard for you right now. I know you don't understand what these conversations are or what's going on inside you. You agreed you would and should release your mortal sense of identity, did you not? This phase is a dark time, but it's not forever. Walk through this darkness. It was easy at first, easy to say anyway, but quickly you realized that it isolated you from others because you lost interest in the cultural conventions that dominate most peoples' lives and time.
You now feel that you've lost the joy that was there at the beginning, and that you've lost interest in others entirely. You feel the way you do now because you're losing your old reasons and motivations for doing things, yet haven't gained new reasons anchored in universal Christ-consciousness. I know you question whether that's really what's happening to you and that you question me and where I might be leading you. I can assure you I am not troubled by your questions.
Even in the midst of your skepticism, you recognize the need to change your old ways. You have such lofty thoughts about love, but you do not manifest those ideals. You simply can't because of deep insecurities. You are shedding your mortal self, but in its absence - from which you fashioned a weak, insubstantial system of motivation - you no longer have any reason to act. In a sense, you are close to an empty canvas, and that's scary. You don't know who you are, and you're vulnerable because you do not know who you will become.
Trust me. Trust your Christ Self and your new identity, your true identity that is coming, and that it is good - so that you may don it like an armored garment against the prince of this world. I am the Living Christ - the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and I love you. That love will never fail and will shine in the darkness, no matter how deep. Take heart, oh troubled heart, for I have overcome the world.