IMPATIENT LONGING
Despite the recent acknowledgement that I'm not ready to take the next step, I can't shake the impulse that I desperately need to. The concept of multiplying my talents that's part and parcel of this Christ-consciousness approach is etched in my mind and won't cease it's incessant prodding. After everything I've been through, I can't afford to lose everything by failing to move forward. So how can I manage it?
When it seems like it takes forever for God's abundance to come, life tends to become mundane and, sadly, disappointing. All the same, it's so alluring to immerse myself in the "real and immediate" because the choices I make generally have immediate and predictable effects. God, on the other hand, is like a distant quasar. He burns with the radiance of a trillion suns, but does so from such a distance that he's barely a speck in the sky - all but invisible but on the darkest of nights.
It takes so long for his light to reach me. I feel I should be otherwise engaged, involved in something actively transformative, but I am reminded yet again that I do not change, but am changed. God continues radiating; I keep absorbing the waves as they reach me. Regardless of how desperately I might want results now, how eager I may be to start the next leg of the journey, the light doesn't come. But it will. When the time is right, the light will eventually touch me across the expanse.