REVERSAL OF POWER
God uses our weaknesses to make us strong; while our demons use our strengths to make us weak.
I sometimes share this concept with people, but, while it's catchy, most folks only have a vague idea of what I mean. I feel it's worthwhile to unpack this concept and provide a direct example from my life.
For years, I prospered based on my talents and determination to succeed. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this; not at all. Still, there’s something insidious about it – seductive. Strength easily becomes a tool of the false self, an egoic siren song promising the transcendence of the separate self.
We become convinced our personal strengths and abilities will be enough to carry us through this life, that by our own efforts we can amass everything we desire – be it financially, interpersonally, or spiritually. This pernicious lie works until it doesn’t. When crisis hits, the idea that the truth and power resided within my separate self nearly destroyed me. It forced me to walk far too long on my own, eventually left me feeling like Atlas, and nearly fooled me into taking my very life.
Paul’s admonition in 2 Corinthians 12 notwithstanding, when it comes to weakness, it’s sometimes hard to imagine how weakness, shadow, mistakes, and failure can make us strong or lead to anything good – much less be mechanisms of salvation. For the first time, I'm looking back upon my weaknesses and failures and appreciating the direct and redemptive blessings that have emerged from them.
I offer the sexual abuse I suffered as a child as an example. Over the years, that experience evolved into a deep self-loathing. For the longest time, it did nothing but make me question my identity and sexual orientation. The wounded boy I was screamed at me from the past, about how I wasn’t strong enough to stop it. A trusted mentor once said: “You look back and see that boy as your accuser. You can’t see it now, but he’s not your accuser; he’s your savior.” In the fullness of time, when union with God presented itself, this finally became clear. It's clear to me I would never have been capable of such deep surrender had the trauma not occurred. God took a darkness I hated and used it as the gateway of my redemption.