THE CRITICAL JOURNEY
I’ve read another book that’s proved to be a revelation: The Critical Journey, by Janet O. Hagberg and Robert A. Guelich. The authors present six stages of spiritual development:
- The Recognition of God - characterized by a sense of awe and need for greater meaning in life, accompanied by a sense of innocence and openness
- The Life of Discipleship - characterized by meaning derived from belonging, reliance on external authority, n the form of a leader, cause or belief system, accompanied by a growing sense of validity and security in the faith
- The Productive Life - characterized by sense of unique place in the faith community and greater responsibility within the community, accompanied by a performative impulse that eventually wears thin and eventually leads to a second awakening
- The Inward Journey - characterized by a loss of certainty, usually initiated by a life or faith crisis, where the old ways of doing things aren’t working anymore, accompanied by a search for direction rather than answers, the pursuit of personal integrity in relationship to God, a transition from doing to being, and freeing God from prescribed boxes - sometimes looks and feels like losing one's faith
- The Wall - characterized by an awareness that up to this point God has been desired, but only on one's own terms - so long as one can order their development and life according to their ego and, ultimately, remain in control - that the cross is personal, not merely a teaching to believe in, but a reality one must experience, accompanied by the release of ego, the false self that has tried to play God for so long, requiring solitude and reflection, discernment, surrender, forgiveness, healing, and deepening faith
- The Outward Journey - characterized by surrender to God, a profound sense of God’s acceptance, deepening relationships, a sense of vocation, a shift in focus to others’ best interests, and a deep stillness, accompanied by a lack of concern for practical matters or the "important" things that drive most people
- The Life of Love - characterized by living in unqualified obedience to God, sharing deep wisdom gained from life’s struggles, compassionate living for others, detachment from events, things, and stress, abandonment of what most people would call "life," accompanied by a certain level of self-neglect, potential judgement from others for being "other," separate, or even wasting one's life
With the way the church is structured, many Christians plateau at stage two or three. In many cases, there's no program for traversing the final three stages, and all too often both the community and individual moving into stage four misdiagnose the evolution as a weakening or loss of faith. Attempts to address it usually involve doubling down on state three, which doesn't satisfy the soul and ultimately leads to burnout or complete loss of faith.
These systems are notorious for reducing complex issues into neat and tidy silos, but I think it's fair to say it's quite clear where I now rest: The Wall. I believe a bright light has been cast upon my unresolved questions and insecurities for some time now. I've tried to face them with honesty and chase them down to their source. I've thrown everything I have at God. It's a question will now - mine or His.
Up to this point in the journey, I may have survived and progressed according to my own skill, smarts, or cunning, but this wall is impassible. The only way around is through it, and it's impregnable to all my efforts. I see now it's God who must pull me through. It's His to do, and I must let Him. I must relinquish all control and merely accept what God is giving me.